In Memory of Matt Aydelott

I think some of you out there are expecting me to say something funny. I know Matt would. He’d have just the thing to say right now to lighten everyone’s mood, right? But, he’ll have to forgive me this time.

Hi, I’m Jamie. Like many of you out there Matt and I became good friends about 10 seconds after we met. I tried my best to make fun of him…..he laughed. He tried his best to make fun of me……I laughed. And that was that. That’s the way it was with him. Instant closeness. You cut right to the heart of things.

Matt came to Chicago several times a year. It was the best. It was an immediate friendship with all of us and we were so lucky to have known him…..to not have wasted a second. And, I know we all feel just as lucky to have witnessed the incredible relationship he had with his brother Nate. It cannot be overstated how special their friendship was and how much it meant to all of us……how much we learned by seeing them together, by hearing their stories, by listening to them talk about music and books, and by watching them be brothers in the best, best sense of the word. Their relationship was a defining one for our group, and certainly a defining one for my own life.

Now……What can I say about Matt? What is true? What would be true to him?

Matt was tall. Matt was charismatic. Matt was handsome and funny and smart. He was the star of the party and larger than life.
But these things were obvious. These things you knew about him right away.
That’s not it.
I asked my wife last week: “What was it about Matt?” What made everyone gravitate to him? What made us mark our calendars weeks ahead of time before he arrived in Chicago?

Matt put you at ease. He came unarmed. He shared himself.
You all know what I mean. Can’t you just see him?
Can’t you just see Matt, in that subtle, easy way that he had, move across the room,
walk right up to you,
clink your glass,
let you into his orbit,
and dim his own light so that you could shine a bit brighter.

Matt opened himself up. And without judgment, he let you in.
He shared the moment with you. Shared the laugh. Shared the song.

There was a truth about Matt that comforted all of us.
And that is why we went to him.
Matt was fragile. And in his company you could be fragile too.

God we will miss him. As a friend. As a big brother. As the star that he was.
But, most importantly, as the one who made us believe that we are good enough just as we are.
And it’s going to be difficult to get through it.

There will be a day, weeks from now maybe, when the saddest parts of us will have doubts.
Was it real?…..we will say.
His smile……was it real?
His laugh……was it real?
His way with words,
His stories………were they real?
You remember, you’d be sitting there talking or listening to music and he’d give you a smile and you would look into his heart and see something at once so beautiful and true, yet so delicate and breakable that it changed your understanding of humanity and it’s capacity forever.
Was that real?

Yes. I assure you it was.
It is.
In fact, it is more real now than it has ever been.

I know it because it goes on.
It endures.
Because I see it in the faces of everyone here today.

We need these memories now more than ever. We cannot doubt them, or be afraid of them. In all of us there are the memories of Matt. Of the person he was….and the person he made us into.

So I beg of you all. I beg of myself.
Do not leave here and be strong.
Do not leave here and be brave or tough.
Do not leave here and close yourself off.

No……

Leave here and disarm yourself.
Leave here and be fragile.
Leave here and share yourself.
Leave here and walk up to someone, let them into your orbit.
Put your arm around them.
Clink glasses with them.
And open yourself up to them, truly and completely, without judgement,
and without regard for the consequences.
And by doing this leave here and share Matt with every single person you know, and every single person you will ever meet, for the remainder of your life.

And everybody, that will be true.
That will be humane.
That will be what he wanted.

Oh yeah. And one other thing.
There may also be some day in the future,
any random day,
when you’ll be getting ready for work or headed off somewhere and you’ll be looking through your closet for something to wear.
You’ll say to yourself “man, everyone is going to be wearing khaki pants and a white shirt……but I don’t really feel like it today.”
You’ll think, “I really feel like wearing this bright pink shirt and these ripped, faded jeans that I loved in High School. What should I do?”
Or, you might think “I know it’s crazy, but I kind of feel like wearing this cowboy hat that I bought at a U2 concert in 1987.”
Or, better yet, you may be headed our way to Chicago. And you might think “you know what, I’m from California, and I don’t care if it’s the middle of winter……and 20 below zero……and 5 feet of snow……I’m wearing my sleeveless t’shirt and flip-flops.”

You know what I say…….Do it. Do it and don’t think twice about it.

See, that was kind of funny. Right?
You knew I wouldn’t let you down Matt.