This site isn’t about me so I’m going to be as brief as I can possibly be about this. It’s been almost two years since I last posted something to the site and I want to ask for everyone’s forgiveness and understanding for this long lapse. My main worry is that anyone might think that my having pulled away from the site meant somehow that Matt wasn’t on my mind. On the contrary, I have thought about him every single day since the day that he died, and although in retrospect I am so glad that the site is here, in the months following his death, being responsible for the site made it impossible for me to have enough space to let my emotions rest. I always felt that I should be doing something here, or working on something that could be added soon, and I think that this made it difficult for me to properly mourn him. It quickly became too painful for me to continue to actively work on the site and I eventually decided that I needed to take some time off to give myself the ability to let my feelings chart their own course. It took far longer than I ever would have imagined for me to feel strong enough to come back and contribute more, but I finally feel like I’m ready. It’s still painful, I can’t imagine that it ever won’t be, but I finally feel that it’s at least manageable.
If anyone else has had similar pain over sharing their memories of Matt, please know that it’s never too late for you to contribute. There will always be this place where we can come to let each other know how we are dealing with his loss and talk about the experiences we had with him while he was still with us. And if you don’t feel that you can talk about your feelings publicly, you can always contact me directly. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me, I will always welcome contact from anyone who knew Matt.
I remember, after my mother told me that Matt was gone, saying over and over again, “Mom, I want him back. I just want him back.” Over two years have passed, and I know at this point that there will never be a day that goes by when I won’t feel this way. The same is true for all of us who knew and loved him, we will all always want him back with us. He was the most precious, precious gem.
In Memory of Matt Aydelott 